Plan A: Move our family to Fort Gordon, GA for eight months over the winter in order for husband to complete military school. Upon school’s completion, return to Nebraska, buy a house in West Omaha or Gretna in order to reduce husband’s commute but keep me in the city so I could return to work when our oldest was ready for kindergarten.
Plan B: Opt out of military school, move to Lincoln so husband’s commute was over. Have a third baby, continue to stay home since two kids in daycare was the reason for leaving workforce in the first place. Son begins kindergarten in Lincoln, I stay home with youngest two.
Baby dies in the third trimester.
Plan C: We didn’t ever imagine a Plan C. No healthy woman with a low risk pregnancy with beautiful ultrasound reports ever envisions needing another Plan. Having a baby IS the Plan.
Plan a funeral.
Survive. Hug anyone who offers, kiss your living children more often, hold them a little longer. Tell anyone who asks all about the baby they cannot see. Drive your minivan you do not need into the garage of a house that is too big.
Plan D: Take three weeks to gain the courage to write an email. Declare a desire to return to work.
Work force is full, not hiring. Cry for a week and question one’s whole identity. Reach a place of acceptance.
Plan E: Consult seasoned colleague and come up with a Plan to pursue state license and work part time. Begin paperwork to pursue license.
Job opening. Apply without hesitation. Ask questions later. Attend interview.
Plan F: Accept offer of job working full-time in education. Feel an excitement from your soul you haven’t experienced since the death of your son. Small and short, but pure joy nonetheless. Pump your fist in the air like a loon when you hang up the phone.
Yes, it’s true. I’m returning to full-time work in two short weeks. I am in a new city, in a new school, with new colleagues, and new classrooms. Maybe I should have some anxiety about it. Or maybe this is post-Reece Arica now. My whole life perspective is different. We planned and Reece came. We planned and he died. Having a Plan is nice but it doesn’t truly control anything. Returning to my first career before I started my second as Mom just may be the Plan I need right now. It was handed to me. So I won’t ask questions and I will wait to make anymore Plans.
I will just say Yes.